Neonatologist

Today I had an appointment with another Specialist, a Neonatologist. It's funny because all of the specialists I have met with I have never had to say the words in my life, and now they have become a normal vocabulary for me. SO, the Neo is a pediatrician who is specially trained to care for newborns in the most complex situations. They care for preemies,and high risk newborns like my baby Angelina whom has SB. Once Angelina is born the Neonatologist and the Neuroserugeon will be caring for her, assessing her and seeing what her needs will be. Test after test to make sure all body parts are functioning the way they are supposed to and if not getting her the help she needs.

I found it to be a very helpful appointment, not one where I left crying, but rather felt informed. I did have a hard time hearing that when she is born neither me or George could hold her. The doctor said I can give her a kiss and then they wisk her away to NICU. I did almost start crying after hearing that aspect of the delivery process. I have had my other three ALL natural, so this is a sad, and scary thing for me, to not be able to bond with my little angel.

All of this process is a lot to take in sometimes. I get to a point when I feel I have come to terms with what to expect with my baby and the SB, but then other times I lay in bed and second guess everything my sweet girl will have to endure.I question my parenting on a daily basis wondering if I will be strong enough for her and the rest of my family members, will I be able to be strong even when it seems impossible.I wish I could think of Angelina and not the Spina Bifida, I already wish I could take away the pain she will have to endure.. I already wish I was the one going in to surgery for her. I pray that god will wrap his hands around her and I pray daily that she grows through love and grows strong.