I Would still have chosen you….

If before you were born, I could have gone to heaven and saw all the beautiful souls, I still would have chosen you... If God had told me, "This soul would one day need extra care and needs", I still would have chosen you. If he had told me, "This soul may make your heart bleed", I still would have chosen you. If He had told me, "This soul would make you question the depth of your faith", I still would have chosen you. If He had told me "This soul would make tears flow from your eyes that could fill a river", I still would have chosen you. If He had told me "This soul may one day make you witness overbearing suffering", I still would have chosen you. If he had told me,"All that you know to be normal would drastically change", I still would have chosen you. Of course, even though I would have chosen you, I know it was God who chose me for you.
-Terri Ba nish

WOW!! Eight months old!!!

(top) Easter Picture 2012

Angelina at 8 months old. Milestones, she is babbling a lot, still rolling over, knows her name, loves playing with her toys. Angelina is not yet sitting up yet due to her low trunk strength. She see's PT once a week to help her learn to sit, crawl and sees a OT to help her with her sensory issues. Angelina is still exclusively Breast fed, she wants nothing to do with a spoon or bottle. So Neuro suggested feeding therapy so we will be starting feeding therapy in the next couple of weeks.. Angelina developed Strider about two months ago, she had a swallow study done and now the Neuro is seeing her every two weeks to make sure the strider isn't getting worse. If the strider gets worse then a Surgery called Decompression Surgery will be the next step. I dread google because I obcess and read every thing, and all possible case scenarios and make myself crazy. So I decided not to look up Decompression Surgery on Google until it is a for sure that she will need the surgery.

SIx Months of Joy!!!

Angelina is six months now. All her doctors appointment's have gone awesome!! Some milestones that she has accomplished are Rolling over both from her belly to back and her back to belly!!! She is the biggest sweet heart ever. Her smile lights up a whole room. I will post some pictures Once I get them down loaded!!

I'm in LOVE!!

I was just sitting here with her in my lap, she looks at me with the biggest brown eyes and smiles the biggest smile. I am sooo in love with her. I could not imagine my life without her. I look at Angelina and I see strength. At such a young age of five months I admire her. She is doing so well!!! I will update as I have not updated on her for a long time ( I am the worst blogger EVER!!) She had several UTI landing her in the doctors about four times in two months with high fevers of 103.A test called VCUG on her bladder showed that she does not empty her bladder all the way causing infection, which is the culprit to the infections As a result of her UTI's the Urologist has us cathing her twice a day and a prophylactic ( preventative antibiotic) that she takes everyday to prevent the UTI's. She has a Physical Therapist that comes to our house once a week and gets Angelinas legs moving. Angelina has feeling in the bottom of her feet because when we slightly tickle the bottom she pulls away quickly. As to the rest of her legs she has some spots where she feels and some spots were she does not. Although at five months she should be rolling over, she has not.That is one milestone we are working and helping her accomplish!! Other than that so far she is doing great!!
The kids absolutely love her, as do I. I can't imagine what I was so afraid of. Life has a lot of questions ahead, but I am not scarred anymore, because I know when all is said and done, one thing that will always remain the same. I adore her, and I AM IN LOVE!!!

Angelinas' Five Months!!!!

 She found her thumb!

Angels sleep to!!!

 Look at those rolls, she weighs 18pds 10ozs

Looking pretty in her Easter dress

pictures of baby angelina.

Timeline coming soon of Baby Angelina's progress!!!                

"Never let your fears outweigh your hopes"....

Better said than done...It is 5:06a.m. I have been tossing and turning ALL night long, and finally decided to get up. My nerves are getting the best of me. I laid in bed having realizations, they always sound better in my head, but it is always hard to express it once I go to type it.

At the beginning of my blog I wrote a quote that I had seen at the Neurosurgeons office when I first found out about baby Angelina's condition. "Never let your fears outweigh your hopes" It has stayed with me through this whole journey but I don't always live by it. I have lived through fear this whole process. For example,my dear friends had a suprise baby shower for me. I cried like a baby when finding out that they had planed the baby shower in celebration of Baby Angelina, in one second seeing the ballons hanging from the chair "It's a Girl" was both a shock that they planned it for me and second, a shock that  soon this baby girl that I have been so scarred of will be here. I was scarred to celebrate her coming, maybe if I didn't celebrate, my heart wouldn't get attached. ( a huge character defect of mine,if I don't get close, I won't get hurt).

Like I said a minute ago I have lived in fear this whole process. I am scarred shitless. I can handle the pain of an epidural (never had one) I can handle the thought of being cut open, or even recovering from the c-section, but what scares me the most, is seeing baby Angelina, I am scarred of her. I sit here crying thinking of how scarred I am.I am frightened of seeing her back for the first time, of diagnosis the doctors will be telling me, I am scarred for her to go into surgery, will she be in pain? All the questions of the past seven months are piling up and all the fears of these questions I have had, are all soon going to be answered... or may or not be reality.

Living in fear is sometimes a good thing. But from this minute forward, all the prayers that I have said, all the fears that I have, I give them to god, I have asked god through this whole process to please take my fears, and today, I am putting aside my fears, and the little Angel that I fear so much will be surrounded by HOPE and LOVE that will move mountains. I am ready for any Journey that comes my way my faith will outweigh my fears, I am ready for Angelina's Journey to begin!!!